bl**dy paperwork

Another lovely sunny day and still not managed to get the car registered....

If you have a car made up of new bits you can have a new registration (currently '07) as opposed to a 'Q' plate. To achieve this you need to fill out form V55/5 which you find is not downloadable from any govenrment website, so you phone up DVLA and eventually find someone who will send it to you - they say they will but of course they don't.

This doesn't surpise you as no-one at the published central DVLA nunmbers seems able to answer any of your questions about registering a kit car for the road, and you obviously know more than they do.

The only thing they agree on is that you need to speak to your local DVLA office.

Now local DVLA offices seem to make a point of publishing no phone numbers so speaking to them means going to one, and queuing up....and when we say queuing up we mean take a flask and a good book. Additionally DVLA offices do their best to be inconvenient by opening 9-5 weekdays so don't think about popping in on saturday mornings or on the way home from work.

Arrive at DVLA office having nipped out from work at lunchtime, with form V55/5, and your precious SVA certificate, and your insurance - which is wasting away as of course you need insurance to register but can't drive the car, and your passport, and your certificate of newness which can't be sent to you until you have your SVA certificate as it needs to cross reference it, and your invoice for the kit showing the chassis and engine numbers and your form V750 if you have already reserved a registration number oh and of course last but not least just over £200 - (presumably so much to pay for all of the paper pushing).

Your turn gets close, the anticipation builds....surely I have all the right paperwork?...have I filled in the ridiculous V55/5 form correctly?..do I have time to pop into halfords on the way back to work to get some plates made up?....can I get the plates on tonight in the gorgeous sun and go for a spin?...why didn't the bloke next to me use some deodorant this morning?....

You arrive, at the window, your heart sinks in early exchanges as you realise that nice bloke at window doesn't have experience of registering a new kit car...you produce all of the documents he needs, his superior comes to the window and demands the invoice...there are questions about the date of the invoice "it's sixteen months old"...."er yes that's because it takes a little time to put together - you see it's a kit as I explained"

Anyway fifteen minutes in and your spirits soar as it is agreed you have all of the required paperwork - hoorah! - open road here we come.......you pay your 200+ readies over knowing that these fine people deserve every penny...and then the vision is ripped from your eyes....

"now would you like to come back and pick up the documents when we've prepared them in a few days or would you like us to post them to you...what no I'm sorry that won't be this week now sometime next week".....Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

You leave disconsolate, walking back in the sun, worrying that you have left all of your precious documents with the nice people, contemplating certain suicide if they lose them all and you have to re-sva.

I say Terry Leahy for head of the civil service.